i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
