i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
