hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
