she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
