My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
