Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
