Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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