so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize