I heard we made out
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
