He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
