Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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