the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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