I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My vagina is officially offended.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
