Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
