Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
