I must be too annoying 4 u.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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