I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
