I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
