Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
As shirtless as possible
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
