I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
MIDGETS
????
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
