At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
