Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
