Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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