I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
