Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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