my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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