A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
