"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
