I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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