OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
