using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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