dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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