Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
