dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
