And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
