Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
