listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I deserve this hangover.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
