why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
