I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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