i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
