now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
