I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
