I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's rum buckets o'clock
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize