This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
