mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
