Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
