So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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