Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
