i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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