roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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