Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
