Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
there is glitter all over my balls
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
