yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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