i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
