we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
