we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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