The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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