4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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