Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
