I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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