Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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