You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
