I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
