You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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