i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
